I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
