so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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