another moral hangover. fuck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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i dont even know how to be here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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