im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
