I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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