Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
