Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
