FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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