I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
