We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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