My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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