my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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