What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
