the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
