I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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