Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
