It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
