The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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