I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize