Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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