I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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