yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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