He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
