I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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