Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
