unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
