If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
