Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
