I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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