at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
