Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
