I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
