He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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