considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
