take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
