Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
