i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
