Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
