I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
