You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need water and some morals
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
