matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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