You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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