VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
not ubering you a puppy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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