Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
