Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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