We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
