I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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