I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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