the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
