My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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