my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
