wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
