dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
