I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
