Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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