you traded sex for a burrito?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
