Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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