and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
