Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
