i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
