oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize